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mettlemod

Blooming

Listen up D-listers! I am on here to materialize an identity I have neglected for far too long! I am Bi. A real Bi. None of this "cliche of the decade" shit where it seems just about every straight caucasian American male is "saying" they're Bi. I was in a serious relationship with a wonderful woman and right now I'm only interested in dating boys. I have yet to explore this side of myself and so I'm diving in. I don't do private pictures, I'm a gentleman. I do chat via IM and if you're lucky enough I do G-rated cam on Yahoo (mettlemod).

I will not be fake here. If you're real and genuine and I like you than I'm pretty much an open book. I'm on the lookout for that special guy and honesty is very important. Been there and done that as far as the whole "I'll just lie" thing goes. Live and learn, right? Basically, I'm nothing if not extremely patient and surprisingly genuine.

What can one say about oneself in a box? I've spent so much time trying to get outside of ALL boxes! Let's see...I'm a thinker. I like thinking. I think a lot. I think about everything. If you find me quiet and reserved it's because I am thinking. Deal with it. I am intelligent and I question and ponder and analyze everything life throws at me. Love it or hate it, I happen to love it. I have a very critical eye on the world at all times. Sometimes I'll share it with you and sometimes I won't. And, honestly, if you don't want to hear it when I do share it...well, fuck you too. I dig deep philosophical conversations every once in a while and I even enjoy sharing the fluff and nonsense of everyday life. I am an idealist a futurist and an Aquarian, a potentially insanity inducing combination. Too much for you? Well, then move right along because I don't have time for you either. I must be bought as is and that's all there is to it.

I love the arts. Design of all kinds, music, video games, movies, TV, plays, books, art, and anything else cultured and creative. Actually, video games are my passion. I have grand ambitions along that line. I also love writing; stories, poetry, wannabe songs...you name it. Yeah, sometimes I'm cheezy about it all but more often than not it is what helps me get thru each and every day. I'd like to find someone who can appreciate and accept that (as silly as a request as it may sound).

I am deeply connected with the Earth, spiritually and physically. I love being outdoors and doing outdoorsy things, e.g. connecting with nature and being as Green as I can possibly be. I have a secret (sshh!) crush on Al Gore. Save the Earth!

I love history. The only way to become better stewards of our world and society is to know the consequences and outcomes of our past. Open your eyes and pay attention you damn fools! Geeze.

I'm a tree hugger, I pray for rainy days, I love to people watch, I like the feeling of walking barefoot in the grass, I take pride in being extremely clean, I like cold sheets and waffle weave blankets, I'm obsessed with socks, I know every Alan Menken/Tim Rice era Disney song by heart and I'm not afraid to belt them out, I'm picky, red is my favorite color, I am a Sci-Fi geek, sometimes I snort when I laugh, I pick my nose, I burp out loud, I love being drunk (though I do keep it moderate), I am just like a woman when it comes to getting ready and I'm a whore for clothes and shoes, I talk to myself, I am obsessed with the internet, I love porn, I am disturbingly polite, I hate Lifetime movies, and I am a self-proclaimed weirdo.

All in all though, I "simply" strive to be a better person everyday. And if you can make me worship the very ground you walk on, then..."Oh the places we'll go!"

Take the quiz:
What will your dream boyfriend be like?

Your dream boyfriend will be a successful businessman. He will be smart, savvy, and well heeled. His fortunes will afford you the finest things in life and his appeal will keep you by his side forever.
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You scored as Existentialist, Existentialism emphasizes human capability. There is no greater power interfering with life and thus it is up to us to make things happen. Sometimes considered a negative and depressing world view, your optimism towards human accomplishment is immense. Mankind is condemned to be free and must accept the responsibility. Existentialist 94% Postmodernist 88% Idealist 88% Cultural Creative 81% Materialist 69% Modernist 38% Romanticist 31% Fundamentalist 25% What is Your World View? created with QuizFarm.com

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Leaving Pseudopia

The only way out is through.

• 10 years (6/20/09) [View | Hide]

  It seems second nature for me to worry all the time.Maybe first nature actually. Apprehension and anxiety. Thinking way too much and not saying or doing enough. It is such bullshit.  I am so tired of trying to deal with it that I have run out of ways of tryng to explain it. It makes me morose and unhappy. More so than I have any right to be. I mean, everybody has some level of unhappiness in their life. Everyone is screwed up in some way. To err is to be human. Right? We all have our own issues. Everybody has something to conplain about. I need to remind myself (more) that I have plenty to be happy about. I have myself, first and foremost, and my (believed) sanity. I have a family that loves me no matter what. I have a small handfull of friends that (I believe) except and appreciate me. I have a roommate who is quite possibly one of the most awesome people I’ve ever met. I have my freedom and my desires and wishes and goals. I have a life free of life threatening hardships. As far as I know I have my health. I have many many good things in my life to be thankful for and happy about. No, I don’t have everything. No, I have not accomplished much of what I wanted to by my age. No, life isn’t perfect. No, everything does not go according to plan. No, I can’t and should not and will not except that falling is a means to judge myself. I ought to  know better by now. I have certainly fallen enough, and continue to. I’m alive. I can do. I can still try. And strive. I can do better. I have opportunity. There is hope. And possibility. Not all is lost.

• Who me? (5/7/09) [View | Hide]

  This selective amnesia Only remembering what I forgot All the good things Everything I liked a lot Pieces of the person I used to be Scattered in the winds of my insecurities My own fractured tales The boy in the future The boy in the bubble The boy who was so sure The boy who would go on and on and on, on and on and on Those rose colored glasses Showing me the black and white of all the masses of everthing that mattered Things to live for undieingly Through thick or thin The faith that tried me The God that I asked about Oh, He’s always been there Waiting for me to believe In myself In something other than the past The boy in the future The boy in the bubble The boy who was so sure The boy who would go on and on and on, to be The man with the broken heart The man who failed The man with a new start The man who knows he can go on and on and on on and on and on and on

• Watch me Top Gun it (4/24/09) [View | Hide]

  Uncontrollable variables aside, it is so refreshing to have one’s life move along at a comfortably unexpected pace. And by unexpected I mean being able to trust that no matter what may happen it will all be progressive and good. My self confidence is rising. My faith is renewing. I can see the future again. Nice, when all I could see for so long was the past. I am uber excited to be moving within the next month. So excited! Yay! And to be able to be a roommate to a guy that I think is just a wonderfully cool person is the icing on the cake. I’ve made him agree to be my wingman. I’ve always wanted a wingman! Haha, he’s Val Kilmer to my Tom Cruise. Or maybe it’s actually the other way around. Either way, yeehaw!

• Same table, different seat (4/14/09) [View | Hide]

  I have not written anything for weeks. Months if I consider my physical journal. I have been given and coming upon and achieving soo much, in comparison to how uneventfully and meagerly I’ve existed over the previous 2 years, that I suppose I am just not sure how to describe it all. It is as unfamiliar as it is not. Does that makes sense? I am on a comprehensible, visible even, path now.  I see the effort and I am seeing the pay-offs. It may sound silly, but I am convincing myself all over again that life does indeed work. I persuaded and led myself to believe otherwise. I had become so consumed by and comfortable with the everythingness of nothingness. Surprise to rediscover that achievement and reward are possible. Thinking about it all I just can’t believe what a stupid ass I can be.

• (3/24/09) [View | Hide]

  UPDATE: I am Christian Andrew Jennings! The 1 and the only! (per DNA of course) I love people. If you can see past my quiet (e.g. shyness, insecurities, self-proclaimed short comings, overall social awkwardness) then I love you. Truly. I am very intelligent. No boasting or bragging here. I am definitely not one to do that. I just know. I read a lot from everywhere; books, newspaper, mags, online, TV. I like being informed. Thusly, I’m current. I’m mod. I’m a tortured artist. No, I’m an unproven artist. Even that? I’m an unfound artist. And not an artist of the “strictly an “artist” kind”. I’m an artist in the vein of a Renaissance Man; and I know that once I get into it I’m going to be fucking amazing at it. I’m an environmentalist, a Greeny, a die-hard free speech advocate, an extreme liberal, an almost socialist and almost communist should we figure out how to fairly and indiscriminately employ such ideas into the American dream since this democracy stuff doesn’t seem all it was cracked up to be, a sci-fi space loving pro-Mars-exploring enthusiast, but most importantly I am one who deep down believes that it is vitally imporatnt to the world as a community that we always live the truth no matter how detrimental it may be to our own selves. There’s more. For later. Adendum: If you don’t know, look it up. Communism is NOT evil or bad or anything of the sort. It is the perception of it which has been tainted and slandered by corrupt dictators and, subsequently, democratic idealists such as The United States. Fundementally there is nothing evil or dastardly about communism. Communism is an idea, not a person. It can not be hated or feared. It is just as revisable and ammendable as our government. In no way am I stating that I am a communist or a socialist.

• Time keeps on ticking (3/21/09) [View | Hide]

  I know, it may seem I’m hopelessly lost. I am not. I am only Christian Andrew Jennings, with a dash of  “more inexperienced than most”. I am a product of genetics and, consequentially, blind ambition.  Can you blame me, 10 years post high school and having yet to achieve anything I intended, for waxing on a bit about “have nots” and “why nots”? I hope not. I am getting much better. My friends, you soon will see. For, time is a bitch and life waits for no one (especially other people’s lives). Sometimes the passed time feels so aggravatingly wrong, and other times I can’t help but wonder if it were meant to be. I guess one can never really know.

• In the Air (3/19/09) [View | Hide]

  This ride has been, often, without me accepting that I’m behind the wheel in a race with too many rats fears and frets I couldn’t always see When I’m afraid it’s all to easy to assume the auto-pilot is on leading and guiding to where I ought to be After so many laps around the track the day ages and the fog lifts it becomes easier to look ahead this drag is good, don’t look back At any point there is a way out doors and windows are cracked the universe is in the breeze I choose love, not doubt

• See me? (3/8/09) [View | Hide]

  I’m a hypocratic mess. By virtue I’m an honest person. By need for unconditional love I’m no good at confession. I’m no good at this stuff. Sometimes is never quite enough. I’ve got to measure up. When most of my wondering focusses on “How long before you screw it up?” I’m an oath to the human condition. Which I find disgusting. Honestly, I know the words the thoughts the ideas the paths the dogma the faith the attention the easy and the hard. Yet I’m a fool for being so easily mistaken and rejecting myself on this despair. Honestly. Desperation is so unattractive. And no one likes to hear “I told you so.” I’m leaving today. I’m living it. I’m leaving it. To change. Life is my muse. Begging, pleading, I’ll allow it. I see it. I deserve it.

• It’s Okay, you can go now… (2/9/09) [View | Hide]

  Every thought of hopelessness I dispel. Every sense of insurmountable odds I tear down. Every feeling of fear I choose love. Every time I exhibit conditioning I exude choice. My world, which had been very monochrome, is enlivening with the myriad hues of possibility. I refuse to continue allowing an unseen maleficent force control my life. It is ridiculous. I am more than fear could ever promise me. I am the universe, I am God. One in the same. Sure, unarguably, things are extremely tough right now. As soon as I relinquish control of my possibilities though,  I may as well admit utter and total defeat. I refuse. I won’t I won’t I just won’t! Others may have had yesterday, I have today, and I can always believe in tomorrow.

• (1/14/09) [View | Hide]

  I’ve been reading a lot over the past 6 months or so. I believe, in total, I have read 6 novels. Wow, a novel a month, that’s awesome! At least I think so. I’ve always wanted to be one of those people who are “readers”. Reading, no matter what, does make you smarter. Reading provides (especially introverts like myself) opportunities to experience new places and various thoughts of mind that might otherwise remain as unknown opportunities of expanding ones understanding of the world. For me personally reading is a way to surreptitiously have new adventures. Actually, I suppose that’s why anyone reads; for the adventure. Anyhow. My favorite author, by far, is Kim Stanley Robinson. I first fell in love with his stories via his Mars trilogy: Red Mars, Green Mars, and Blue Mars. His talent for making his story’s characters immensely human, relatable, and real is in my opinion far beyond any other author I’ve yet read. Combined with his obvious love of any natural world, he manages to provide readers with the perfect palette for our mind’s eye to create vivid extremely detailed vistas. His stories always have current undertones and topics, especially his latest trilogy “Science in the Capital”. A main source of inspiration for the characters in his latest trilogy is a website called emersonfortheday. It provides daily excerpts from Emerson’s journals. Although the site didn’t actually exist previous to Robinson’s trilogy, a thoughtful individual has made the site a reality. I am finding so much inspiration and wisdom from Emerson’s writings. If he has a contemporary I’d like to know. His love of nature and all that is our daily Earthly existence interacting (or avoiding, or destroying) with nature is truly thought provoking. It certainly makes me want to experience nature more. If only there wasn’t this damn human notion of “the world”.

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sachasacket

Comment left on: 5/13/10 6:52 AM if your interested, my new music vid is on my profile...

DJAbe

Comment left on: 10/5/08 10:16 PM hi there!

X_topher

Comment left on: 6/21/08 1:25 PM awesome, lol, i now have a total of two comments! i'm lame, sorry...

Patrizzle

Comment left on: 10/16/07 1:18 PM droppin in to say hello, there ya go :)

dm1086

Comment left on: 9/13/07 3:49 PM Hey what's up? Thanks for the add!!

dm1086

Comment left on: 9/13/07 3:47 PM Hey to you to. Thanks for the add.

Daloop

Comment left on: 7/21/07 9:11 PM I know its a bit late but thanks for the Add!!!

crazycracker

Comment left on: 7/18/07 10:20 PM Your pics are so cute!

Jesse_X81

Comment left on: 7/9/07 8:30 AM hey man, i hope u had an awesome weekend. i love the new photos by the way. ;-) take care..