Just about everything outside of theater arts and stereotypical faggotry..sorry but there really wasn't any nice way to accurately put this. Besides, I'm not one for insincere niceties and civil modesty. Sentiment is for the romantics and the dreamers. I, on the other hand, am neither one.
Music I Like:
I prefer the obscure music. I always feel so selfish with it if I discover it on my own instead of influenced by the radio and media. I enjoy funk, soul, euro new wave, new wave, punk, post punk, industrial, 80's college, ska, early hip hop, psycho billy, rock-a-billy, jazz (bebop), guitarists like Django Rhinehart, Les Paul, Stephane Grapelli, etc.
Films I Like:
I like Tim Burton films the most. Usually I enjoy the true stories more than the fictional. I like most genres except for romantic comedies and family movies.
Literature I Like:
I like a lot of different authors and their works. My taste ranges from William Faulkner to Legs McNeil to J.D. Salinger and Bret Easton Ellis and Kurt Vonnegut. I enjoy the nonfiction genre more than fiction usually. I also read a great deal of daily publications just to stay informed.
There's not enough time in the world for me to deal with people that talk a good game but are terrible on the follow through. I've enjoyed meeting some of the funniest, most intriguing, and intellectual people from this site...some not very far beyond my back yard. All I ask is that you are driven and strive to be accomplished. Be a man about things. Anything else is just contrived and pedantic. Just remember, it's not the destination it's the journey.
Three Risilient, Beautiful Women (8/19/10) [View | Hide]
Each of them took their own path twelve years ago and through all the difficulties and monstrosities that they faced they recoiled and sprang back not losing their charm, wit, and beautiful vulnerabilities. They are living proof that a mass of complications succinctly placed one after the other does not always leave you embittered and old. I'm so happy they are back in my life. I love my Chach, Ass, and Lo.
Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments. Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove: O no! it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wandering bark, Whose Worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks Within his bending sickle's compass come; Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom: If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
At times I find myself unable to sleep and I will wonder around familiar verse and script...mostly dusty books. I have always found that this is my favorite sonnet. It speaks volumes of truth and over the past year it has been a liniment for my own heart. If love has waned or sauntered off due to circumstances or differences it wasn't REAL love. True love is constant through any difficulties. True love is unchanging no matter what obstacles or hard trials that you will find throughout life.
Falling In Love With Julian Casbalancas All Over Again (8/4/10) [View | Hide]
A long conversation with Yuri and I found that his humor and his perspective was a comfort. "Jonathan, only a masochist would love such a narcissist. He did you a favor by cutting you loose." And perhaps he is right. His voice is so mellifluous and he seems to have always gotten me even when I never really got myself. I cannot be more thankful for some honest to God truth delivered in a time when I truly do need a good catharsis.
I spent my first night on a beach sulking and crying in a foreign land. The stars fell into the sea. I put this compilation together out of a few of the songs that were playing. My feeling, my emotions are what make me human but I find that they are what are keeping me from truly unraveling. My armor has fallen in a pile at my feet and I feel so safe to just let these feelings bleed out of me.
Summer Courses Over...Heading For Tel Aviv (7/29/10) [View | Hide]
After what seemed like an intense think tank session placed inside a pressure cooker summer courses are over. I now get to relax and thankfully I have family that pitched in together so that I could go visit. It's been over ten years since I was last in Israel. This should be pretty interesting. Two weeks of sun and being in what I remember as one of the greatest places on earth. I will be in Tel Aviv-Jaffa for six days. I'm really excited to see the renewed Israel Museum. I'll be in Jerusalem for only a couple of days. I plan on making a visit to the Kotel, or as many know as the Wailing Wall or Western Wall, to lament losses over the past few years. I definitely intend to put a prayer in the Kotel about Eric and I. I will then be off to the kibbutz where I will see more family. Masada is beautiful and I worked there for a summer a long time ago. I plan on not doing much work this time but just dropping by the Sea of Galilee and maybe letting some of this grief just melt off of me. It has become a privatized kibbutz since I was last there so I guess I will see how the new take on socialism is now. I couldn't have asked for a better gift from family so far away that has been so concerned about me. Thank you so much Yuri for instigating this whole thing. I am happy that my distant family took you in when I left so long ago. I love you forever. Maybe this time we won't have to sneak around so much.
On this day I broke a fever bred by the love lost almost two years past now with the calamities elicited by the fates. I was sleeping to dream so that I could procure some solace in the meantime, and my slumber took most days and nights away to some place where I would not tend to my wounds. I acquired sleeping medications and benzodiazepines from my doctor. As of late, that fever was too much to endure. Thoughts of where he his, if thinks about me, if somewhere he still loves me was driving me to carnal sickness. I had gone days without eating or sleeping.
For a breathing I called myself "fortune's fool" partially to assuage my own guilt. In other words, I thought of the consequences of my actions as caused by fate or luck, and I was just a bystander or victim. For another moment's passing I took in the weight of the world and considered myself my own saboteur. I suppose the "fool" might be meant as a reference to a jester rather than just a patsy. Now, guilt permeates me like foul humors on capricious tangents. I don't battle it. At first, I was trying to find comfort in accepting such an axiom. Then it became pathological and took over my essentiality and my umbra. Such a device is love and loss, especially when done by your own hand. I was never unfaithful to him. I found myself unfaithful to myself by not giving reverence to my own needs. This festered to an abscess that was eroding my own humanity until it extravasated all over him. Just when I think I have moved on I am beset by a marauding of thoughts of him like the haunting of a dead lover in an Emily Bronte novel.
Now, on this day, I've gone back to where I was before I found myself much altered by paying so much heed to things that are etched into my history. Perhaps it is time for me to truly move forward as he so easily does. He always used to be able to drop things that happened and move on with effortless ease. I admired that and at the same time I loathed it. I felt like "HEY! I'm here. Did you forget that I even happened? Or is that the intent?" I felt so left behind. I felt given up on. I felt truly bereft. Now I am more atribilious. I am trying not to let it all spoil me just as he is trying not to become an embittered, aged cynic.
To listen to our senses and our instincts at all times would keep us from adventure. It also keeps us so inhibited with trepidation that we become shut ins inside of ourselves. I refuse to be that way. I learn from my personal history and I know that the only one that I want controlling me is me. I do not want to dictate my heart with the beckoning of a man that is not me. I've put myself first over this past year and a half and I am planets away from where I was. That does not swear off any future fevers of loneliness and heartache but it makes sure that I am fashioned with the mechanisms and armor needed to fend off such unhealthy habits like dropping the life you know for another man and relocating to a wasteland. I'll stay in wisemind as much as I can.
Well, summer courses are coming to a close. For this I'm thankful. To cram all that studying into such a short amount of time was a little more intense than I expected. Lately, I find myself thinking about how I wish I could erase or fix things that are done and through. I find myself lonely at times and try to comfort or cushion myself with daydreams or just a really good cry in the bathroom....sometimes the only place you can be alone. It is taking more time for me to heal from this last attempt at trying to get love right. Maybe somethings are out of my control. Being one that likes to be in control it makes things a little more helter skelter. Sometimes it seems like when I finally get a step forward I'll get knocked twenty steps back. If I could erase and retract so many things I would but I can't and that really does kill when I allow myself to feel around in the past that seems so much like the present. I can remember, like it was yesterday, leaving for Austin or phoning Eric all the time. Pictures taken that truly are images of heaven that take me to hell. I can't say just how much I miss him and miss what we had before that December night because the void that is there seems like a bottomless pit at times. Oh. To have something so amazing and so visceral and so great screwed up because you fell so short on yourself. Beating myself up isn't doing any good but just picking up and moving on seems like I'm leaving so much behind. I don't like to be the one to leave anything. I know what it's like to be left behind. I am all too familiar with that. Perhaps that is why it is so awkward for me to leave anything. It's hard for me to give up on anyone....well I give up on myself a lot but sometimes I don't even consider myself for consideration. I'm ambivalent. I'm complacent. I'm idling by on a razor thin soundwave. It'll get better. I know. And I know this time alone will be really good for me. I'm making leaps and bounds in my life, career goals, and therapy. I'm far from where I was even a couple of months ago. I'm grateful for that. I just wish there could be a do-over allowed. Well a few of those would be nice.
Just When I Thought I Was Over It (6/28/10) [View | Hide]
I find myself telling John that I can't be with him because it isn't being honest with myself. I am still in love with Eric and that wouldn't be fair to anyone.
Way to go K.C.!! You've achieved over 143 HIV infections within just five months. That puts Jackson county over California and New York. We're gaining on DC and Atlanta. Watch out! BTW, the sifilis count is over three hundred since February.
After careful consideration, I finally came to terms with the fact that Eric is TOTALLY out of my system. It came to me when John, the new man in my life, was sitting across the table from me. Everything just comes so easy with him. There is no pressure or need to prove anything. I have never had anything like this before. Best of luck to Eric. I hope he finds what he needs but I am VERY glad that it is not me. That relationship was a crap shoot from the start. Relationships shouldn't be a crap shoot. If you're meant to flow through life with someone then you should be able to rely on them being there no matter what....that's if you're ready to have that kind of variable in your life. I guess some just never are. meh.
School is rolling on nicely. My instructors put everything on blackboard so I am kind of getting spoiled. It's cool though. It's good to be spoiled every once in a while.
I'm slipping into the mundane. I'm enjoying it too. Losing weight, gaining muscle, and feeling great. I've had a few dates here and there. It's nothing too serious which is good. Summer courses start June seventh. Other than that...things are just rolling along.
Met a new dreamy guy and gearing up for summer courses. (4/29/10) [View | Hide]
I just got back from a date with a dreamy guy. He's kind of got a dull life which is AWESOME. He also has drive and ambition. He's 11 years my senior but looks like he's my age. I don't know. We'll see where it goes from the first meeting.
Summer courses are around the corner and I am VERY excited. It's time to make some things happen in my life. Things never fall in your lap unless you're just one of the privileged.
Take Care,
Jonathan
Spring brings cherry blossoms and possibilites for love. (4/18/10) [View | Hide]
After much time getting over my head trips spawned from my last heartbreak, I might actually be ready to proceed with a prospect that kind of fell back into an old love. I picked up a cello from a friend that isn't using one that he had randomly lying around his house. My new lover is very worn but age has always left a better taste in my mouth like a good wine. If I just keep up the capacity to completely honest with him we will make beautiful music together. At Millcreek Park we were playing and many people stopped to gawk. My hands were all over him.
There was a man that walked by and stood to listen to me play. He walked off to his car and retrieved another cello. We played together, the four of us. It was my first foursome. Later the guy and I had dinner at a gay owned and operated bistro around the corner. We've seen each other twice since, him and his wooden lover aussi. That is all I'm divulging at this point. Last night was my second Saturday with them. I hope there is more. This time things are so much different and by different I mean not as demanding in a pathological, controlling manner at the start. I'm walking into it all with clean hands and a newly healed heart. It helps that he's Greek....the land of a three day work week. They know how to take it easy.
So, I finally had my super duper slut moment. I was in a restroom...oh this can't start out good with a preface like this...I was in the restroom at a shopping establishment and this guy comes in. He's a hot daddy type...early fourties maybe. Tight black shirt, greaser hair, tatted sleeves, tight jeans. I'm standing at a urinal and he gropes my ass. I turned to look at him in shock. I got all flushed with fever. I don't eat off the floor of a bathroom. He walks into a stall so I zip and shrug off my conscience and followed. The door closed and he lifted me up by my ass, my legs wraped around his waist, we kissed intensely, his hips grinding into me all hard, we're both tumescent, then I just start getting flop sweat, it's getting so hot and humid, his hands go down the backside of my jeans and cups my cheeks, then I get all scared. I pushed off and quickly walked out. This was such an unusual circumstance. I walked away with a hard on and a lesson. I'm just not the kind of guy that can get it on in a Nordstroms bathroom.
I hope that this year of your life is much better than any that preceded it. I hope it prefaces something even greater than you could imagine for yourself.
Jonathan
SHUT YOUR FACE WHEN YOU'RE LOOKIN' AT ME! THAT'S RIGHT. SHUT IT! SHUUUUT IIIIIT! (3/23/10) [View | Hide]
Gag gag eww ra ra fagga fag la la......someone please gut Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta like a fish.
FINALLY!! It's about damn time. (3/16/10) [View | Hide]
It doesn't hurt to look at you as much anymore. I see the scar over your left eye and I don't cringe. Yes. There is still that little twinge of guilt. I think there always will be. We both walked away from this with our own scars I guess, huh? Funny how I thought that you were the be-all end-all, the quintessential element that would keep the earth turning. I remember staying up for hours, sleep deprived, talking to you. Those awkward days that were riddled with distance and frustrating phone calls due to some great divide....I think we both lived out our time with each other rather passionately. For one time in my life I spent hours hyphenating and modifying my name with different styles of cursive. Now, I look at that and feel kind of silly.
I've got a body pillow named Eric. (3/11/10) [View | Hide]
I've been staying out at my family's home in my hometown b/c my brother is going through a divorce and I really feel I need to be there for him....Nevertheless, I guess my mother found me cuddling with my over-sized body pillow in my sleep and muttering Eric and other loving terms of endearment to it...oh pathetic. If only I had the nerve to get drunk on a bottle of wine and go out to just jump into a meaningless bed to try to find my validity...oh wait..that's not how you do it if you want to live a life that is accomplished and meaningful. Alas, I'll kiss many men on the way to something more meaningful I'm sure. Meh.
Of that tainted Anita Bryant O.J.!! I actually had a nightmare that kind of rolled Anita Bryant, John Briggs (The Briggs Initiative), Sally Kern, Westboro Baptist Church, Prop 8, and boring Eastern Euro gay porn all together. I woke up in a sweat and had a bowl of Fruity Pebbles.
03-04-2010 Ring Ring “Momma. I made a bad choice.” “Oh, baby. What’d you do?” “I couldn’t help it. I had to look at Eric’s Flickr account. I had to see him again and it just hurts something awful and I can’t stop crying. I’m trying to pull it together in the library bathroom.” “Jonathan, you’ve got to stop looking at him. You’ve got enough with battling the memories.” “I just can’t stop the sporadic urges to take a peek. He looks so beautiful. He looks like some great, fuckin’ phoenix that has risen out of the ashes of some excruciating tribulation. I feel like such the bad guy”
She put her mother bias hat on and began to transmit complex babble that wasn’t really helping.
“Jonathan, you’ve got to understand that you are sick with a disease that you will fight for the rest of your life. You didn’t know what you were doing and when he had plenty of time to leave he brandished a knife and slit your throat. Following, he left you for dead. Someone that you are going to spend your life with doesn’t do that. You have got to focus on what you have right now. You have your family and their support and you will never be without that again. He wasn’t what you needed, clearly. He didn’t even stay around to find out what was wrong with you.”
“Well, of course not! He was frightened, mother and dealing with an eviction and beaten up. Mother, he has a titanium plate in his face. He’s almost fuckin’ bionic. Sorry. Excuse me.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s just that it’s been over a year now and it feels like such a fresh wound.”
“Honey, you have to give it time. This is what it is and you have to learn to go on from there. Love can’t be all about drinking and palling around.”
“It was so much more than that!! There was so much raw love and passion and affection and I felt so safe with him. I didn’t feel like he would take flight and I was just so scared to talk about what I was experiencing. And accepting it and just moving on? You sound like him.”
A rekindled sense of longing began to flicker into my voice again.
“Quintessential Eric: emotions held firmly in check, cold, clinical, and so accepting in order to just continue the flow of life without obstruction. I can’t help it. My heart is so tender and it always has been. I never loved anyone like I loved him. It scares me to think that I never will. I don’t know if I ever want to love anyone else. In fact, I know I don’t. I know that he was the one I feel I was born to be with. Now I’m just some bad guy. Oh, this pain is wrenching my insides out! It hurts so bad. I’ve lost loves to death in the past and it never hurt like this. It’s all on my hands.”
“Honey, you’re gonna hurt but you have to stop looking at him. This isn’t good for you and can just lead to more pain.”
“I just love him so much.”
I slid down in the corner of the stall I was occupying, convulsing in sobs that bounced off the cold, white tiled walls. The acoustics seemed to bounce the sniffles and sniveling hiccups on the swiftly taken inhales through the desolate weeping room.
“Will I ever feel a love like that again?”
“Honey, do you have an ativan on you? Take it and get home and go lay down. Summer and I are coming tomorrow and we’ll have a day. Go home. Take a pill and Momma will be by tomorrow to take you shopping and coffee and a facial. I love you so very much.”
“I love you too.”
Click
I went home and layed in bed exhausted by my public breakdown. I don’t have those often. I took the benzodiazepine prescribed by my doctor and cried myself to unconciousness. When I rolled over in the darkness of my room the clock’s bright amber light read 20:05. I picked up the phone and dialed Harry….my good friend that I’ve known for a great part of my life and knows about heartache and gives truth to me straight up with no chaser. I knew he would give me everything on the real without bias.
“Is this pain ever going to dull with time’s passing?”
“No. Probably not. You just learn to live with pain….those of us that haven’t evolved past feeling.”
“Why do I feel so abandoned in this situation? I mean, he didn’t even say goodbye or answer any of my letters.”
“Sometimes words don’t even really help. Tuxedo Moon’s “In A Manner Of Speaking” is just a song, Jonathan.”
“Oh, fuck, man! It just came over me today out of nowhere and it tore me apart.” Torrential tears came down across the apples of my cheeks as the pain twist deeper every time I admitted the truth of the matter that was always churning under the skin of the gravy.
“I know. I know.”
His voice was an ointment.
“He is so beautiful. He is the most beautiful man in the universe and what he does to me nobody else has ever done. He made me want to be such a better man. He made me want to be some sort of quasar that was so big and huge just so that I could match what he did to me inside. I had so much love to give….I’m not done loving him yet.”
“Man, you never will be. This wound stays open.”
“I feel like the bad guy. He’s risen out of this and probably moved on with more grace than I could ever have. This is on my hands.”
“Jonathan, nobody can take 100% of the blame in this. Nobody can.”
“Maybe not. But I’m seen as some sick fuck that had a psychotic break. I just hope he remembers that that wasn’t all there was about me. I wonder what he wonders. I look at the stars at night and I still find comfort that he’s looking at the same sky. That comfort soon bottoms out to know or not know if he still yearns for what we had….could we have it again? Would it all be done so differently?"
“Nobody knows that shit. You just know that you’re hurt and if the powers that be lead you back to each others' arms then that’s what happens. It rarely ever does though. So, right now, you can be a glutton for punishment and keep looking at his flickr account sporadically when the spirit is moving and you’re feeling sentimental and you have your pain and you live your life with the pain. That’s all we can do.”
More tears.
“I know this is a pain you know about, Harry.”
“Oh I know. Fuck people. People fuckin’ blow. You can’t fuck ‘em. You can’t kill ‘em and there are so many trivial ways in which it is possible to commit some social sin ”
“Well, actually, you can fuck a few.”
“What? Like your therapist?”
“We didn’t fuck. We kissed and I told him that it was time that I get a female therapist. He agreed and wanted to know if he could see me after it wouldn’t be so obvious.”
“So, when ya’ gonna bone?”
“Not happening. I tried to have sex once already with someone else and it is way too soon to jump back in any sort of a intimate situation.”
“Porn it is, then.”
Harry parlayed the conversation away from Eric and into a funny little commentary on gay porn, the recession hitting the porn industry, how he finds it sick that I like the more mature, muscular, slightly furry guys in porn as well as some other favorites like Colby Keller, Jon Galt, and Adam Faust. Of course, no porn conversing would be complete without going into detail about Treasure Island Media and some of the Cobra movies and how NAB they are. The whole “your hole got so pounded that your asshole turned inside out “a pink sock” or drinking a huge martini glass full of cum from a bunch of different guy makes my skin crawl and some how creates a great diversion to talking about Eric and the exquisite gut wrenching pain that my love for him creates as it endures and refuses to show no sign of ever slowing down as it shoots through the ether and bounces off the plasmatic stars in the heavens.
The retail therapy the next day helped a bit. I forgot how exhausting it can be if you really put your all into it. Nothing takes out the pain mentioned though. I think that is why those of us that know love and loss are so apprehensive and trepidatious to let ourselves be vulnerable like that much, if ever again, in our lives.
Totally non sequitur, but I got my results of testing out of four courses for University of Kansas and their required courses for the nursing program today. I was pleasantly surprised. With the college courses and college credit courses I took in high school combined with the courses that I've tested out of I am going to be able to go straight into nursing school as of next fall. This is all paid for by Missouri's Vocational Rehabilitation program. Most other students are sophmores by the time they are excepted to one of the best nursing programs in the country at the University of Kansas and have completed all required courses pre entry. I kind of felt like hot stuff. I meet with a French professor next week to also see where I will place for a double major. This is kind of a really exciting thing. I'm going to be a professional one day. I will be an accomplished, independent man well before turning fourty and that is a lot more than any man I have fallen in love with can ever claim but that never made me love them any less. I've never loved someone for their status. I still close my eyes at night, on my way to the land of nod, and see myself looking into Eric's beautiful green eyes, them looking back into my whatever color you want to place them as, wrapping my arms around him always, and always telling him that he was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. This is something a previous mate of his NEVER did, yet did quite the opposite. Nobody will ever give him the kind of good love that I gave him. I know that and it hurts more than anything else. As long as time makes history I will always feel like I wasn't done loving him yet.
On a lighter note.....my Jayhawks slammed the Mizzou Tigers today. ROCKCHALK. JAYHAWK. KU!
Sleeping with your therapist. (3/3/10) [View | Hide]
Sleeping with your therapist is a terrible idea unless you really want a different therapist. I thought I would just drop that brain nugget out there. By the way, the kiss was fun.
For all of you panting poppers huffers out there. (2/25/10) [View | Hide]
Saving souls by breeding holes. (2/23/10) [View | Hide]
Why am I suddenly getting kind of repulsed by how porn has desensitized so many things and kind of extracted so much dignity by becoming so everyday? I'm not jumping on some anti-porn bandwagon. I'm just wondering why we have such a focus on it and a welcoming acceptance to the revolting acts of hedonism. By all means, sex should never be taboo. I am not one for proverbial closets, either. However, what is civility without at least a few veils left untouched? I have posed a fashion of being sexual in the past but only in the name of art or just a good shot from the photographer's lens. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Porn is porn and as an ex, a wonderful man, once said "An orgasm is an orgasm." There's just some people you could never talk all filthy to. Take Jackie O. for instance. I wouldn't have been able to say something perverse and disgusting to her. Those people that are so classy and well put together....what about them? I wonder if they were really just sexual fiends in hiding. Meh. Just a random thought. I don't think that I could ever live to say "My hole is my livelihood." I'm not passing any judgement. It's' just a different angle, and not the coveted side shot. Recently, I met someone that claims his occupation as a "Porn Model". I, having no tact, asked "So which STDs do you have?" He chuckled and said "I don't." I egged him on with part sardonic humor and part not and said, "AH, C'mon. You at least have to have a scorching case of herpes." We got a good laugh out of our meeting. He's a great guy but I can feel his low perception of himself. I could feel that somewhere in this man was a boy that was really hurt somewhere. I've always been able to pick up on hurt, sadness, grief in people even when they think that they've got their best guards up. There's something in the way someone talks, inflection, and their eyes. They also have an energy about them that I easily tap into. Me being a hurricane thundercloud a few times in my life it is no wonder why I am what some call a hypersensitve. Some think we can tap into supernatural things. I don't know about all that but I think my mother's mother put it perfectly when I was still in the womb. "This one's gonna feel around life with his heart and not his hands." So, tenderhearted as I may be, I am sitting across a table from a real life porn model and feeling very intrigued and at the same time really turned off. I don't know what makes them different from a whore. As far as prostitution is concerned, I say let people go and do what they want as long as it is not hurting anyone. They may be hurting themselves but that is totally on them to straighten their own shit out. Ugh....chasing rabbits. Porn, poppers, and prostitution....Trivial? Absurd? Sinful (when we place personal morality in the mix)? It's porn on film and I wonder...When these people try to live in the real world...Do they have a hard time being taken seriously? I'll admit it. When I was talking to the porn show pony I was having a hard time accepting the possibility that there was some substance to him. I believe that everything is equal in spirit. That is one of the things that Quakers, yes that's my chosen faith, follow. I may get pissed off at particular groups of people, say nasty things, or get upset with the choices people make but when it comes down to it, we are all equal on that level of energy. Gads! I'm gonna stop now. I'm just transmitting complex babble now.
hey sweetheart. hope you are well. I am giving away a free song to all dlist members for the next few days only. Go check out my profile to download it :) No strings attached - promise.
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