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pipebruiser's

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City: brooklyn
State/Province: NY
Country: US

Age: 31
Height: 5' 10"
Weight: 165 lbs.
Hair Color: Dark Brown
Eye Color: Brown
Body Type: N/A
Ethnicity: Mixed

Occupation: N/A

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• 72 hours is better than 36 • Ask Jerri!! • Contemporary Art Mafia • mooseKNUCKLE • MR. BLACK NYC • Musicians and Artists • No on Prop 8 • POSTBEAR • Yay Beards Yay • Zach Galifianakis is Hot.

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about

pipebruiser

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the above photographs of my artwork were taken by shannon taggart. check her out at http://www.shannontaggart.com/. she's awesome.

i just did a series of deep meditations today to find that my spirit animal is a fish taco.

that said....

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i was born with a full beard and was doing push-ups in the crib.

i became gay through sharing needles at a tender-ish age of four. i was living in dallas at the time and was already having fantasies about my dad wearing nothing but white briefs and black business socks pulled up to his knees, sitting cross-legged in my sand box.i also learned that year that eating sand sucks. big year for me.

i was ejaculating at the age of NINE. my first memory of it was while i was watching the "exorcist". or was it "reading rainbow"? i guess it's all trivial. but i thought i was dying so i wrote a short poem about my experience and entered it in a contest. i won 2nd prize, but felt dishonest because the judges thought,for some reason, it was a poem about an alcoholic native american with gout.

i was then thrown off by all this manky masturbation stuff when i met the redhead of my dreams.[this is the future now]..he is about 7'8" and could crush the skull of an adult polonesian woman with one bare hand. he will only have a few spare spots on his body that isn't covered in a thick pelt of soft hair that smells like My Little Pony. at night he will cradle me to sleep while i suckle on his nipple listening to "Just Like Honey" by the jesus and mary chain on repeat (see below playlist). he will guard me in our 300,000 sq foot loft in the far rockaways at night shooting off rats with a rifle. on our leisure time we will play baseball with full cans of PBR instead of balls and catch rattlesnakes with our hands and eat them. rattle first. bitch.

i wanna quit my current job working with with children. unless i can find a job exploiting them on national television. you know, like on some sort of late night reality television show called "so you wanna be a unicorn" where kids, maybe, ages 6 to 10 can be part of a "screening for the next big unicorn movie" only there would be a catch. first of all i would be a total ass face to them. not hurt them physically but definitely make them cry alot because it's funny when children cry. i would make them realize that it's not really that easy to be a unicorn, you know. it's hard work. but it can only be one episode because there are no winners. they all lose. but they each get one way tickets to malaysia where they will be forced to work in sweat shops for 10 hour days at 10 cents an hour making the most beautiful, sequined unicorn costume ever made for the REAL winner. myself.

I warn you, i can destroy you with my advanced unicorn technology.
i'll fart on your dick when you're not looking. i'll cook a meatloaf in your mom's pussy. i will make you feel like you're in the 5th grade again, but not the good part. the part where you got your dick stuck in the vacuum cleaner tube and your mom had to call the fire department. i'll fill your pillow case with ceramic kittens on your birthday. i'll drink clorox bleach diluted in grape juice to pass a drug test. i'll take the SAT test again. i'll wipe my butt with a $10 bill and leave it on the ground outside of walmart just to watch people pick it up and then put it back down. i'll tattoo the word "tribal" on my neck in courrier font. all this to prove that i love you.

oh, and I'm an open-minded, of life and very complex, no matching drawer type. (1.84 m, 78kg, 41a) i'm a hairy also an athletic guy, mostly with 3-day beard. As a special feature you could even mention my silver glance (who's like, there is actually what). Have a fixed habits. My english is a little disaster.

so speaking of weight watchers, i am so broke i'm living off Naked protein shakes and cocaine residue left over in baggies i found in my roomate's bedroom. just kidding.

it was my bedroom.

but really i'm broke. so i'm beginning my new series of work about charlton heston. the show is going to be called "from my cold, dead hands". powerful, right?

hey did you look at my new pictures? posthunk and i hiked to a lean-to at the top of a mountain and there was a bag full of composition books so people can write notes and draw in it for people to read. the notes went about 3 years back. we found an awesome series of drawings made by some 9 year old kid (she wrote a note before them, that's how i knew she was 9) and the last drawing was the words "bob saget!" in block letters. i've never heard of a bob saget fan. nonetheless a 9 year old bob saget fan. nonetheless a 9 year old bob saget fan in 2008. that kid is NOT millenium. i doubt she even knows sign language. what a dumb ass.

so i drew a picture of pam dawber, my all time hero.

and by the way, i have a boyfriend already. he is much better than the 7 ft red head that i had imagined in my youth. he's only 6'1", actually. and i don't have to fart on his dick for him to love me.

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